Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
