that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
