I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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