i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
