i'm signing you up for texting rehab
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
