Only a mothe r could love this liver
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Bring me that man meat
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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