It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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