Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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