I am in a vortex of obligation.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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