So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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