First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
