She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
