Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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