Three words: puerto rican gang bang
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
