and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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