Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
