Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
