I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
