I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
