So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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