Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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