I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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