You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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