Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
It was confusing and full of hummus
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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