I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Randomize
