420 ftw
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
