the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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