I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
