I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
