Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
