I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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