if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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