apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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