I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I believe in your delicious
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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