I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
