I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
