Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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