Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
