My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
