if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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