Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Randomize
