i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
