Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm getting married
To pizza
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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