I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
