my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
We are two peas in an std pod
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
