I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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