There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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