i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
