I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
she looked like the before picture.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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