i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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