last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
