Your face is a jimmy john
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
