If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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