i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
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