PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Randomize
