If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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