why didn't you poke me back
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
